My phone call with Grace lasted nearly 3 hours last night. We discussed the Bock Turner case, the recent mass shooting in Orlando, the upcoming fate of my mother, and the possibility of Donald Trump becoming the future of America. It seemed to us like the only news from the United States that reaches us in Paraguay is bad news. No news, or bad news.
Shootings, Brock Turner, cancer, ISIS, rapists, hate crimes, terrorism, Donald Trump, sexual assault, racism, sexism, death…
That’s it, I’ve had enough.
Shootings, Brock Turner, cancer, ISIS, rapists, hate crimes, terrorism, Donald Trump, sexual assault, racism, sexism, death…
That’s it, I’ve had enough.
In the midst of everything going on and this Paraguayan winter (which merits its own blog post that I will get around to eventually) I want to, no I NEED, to write about something positive. My days here can be slow at times, like when the nurse doesn’t show up to the health post and whatever plans I had go out the window. So what do I have to get me through the day? Laughter.
Here are some stories that hopefully can put a smile on your face in these dark days:
Story #1— My first real charla— I was outside of the community center when my mom and her friend were inside my future house (previously occupied by a former PCV). I heard them giggling and noticed they were huddling and giggling around a small and concealed object. They called me over and I wondered what was going on. When I saw what they were giggling over, I almost lost it. It was a tampon. (Sorry male readers for this story, but trust me its hilarious and you may even learn something!) Anyway, they asked me what it was and so I told them, but they still had this confused look on their faces. I asked them if they wanted me to show them how to use it, and they were already nodding their heads and saying yes before I even finished my sentence. I then demonstrated to them what part goes in where, where you insert it, how to press the applicator, that you need to discard the applicator, and then what part remains outside for removal. (For anyone who’s seen She’s The Man, it was pretty much like the scene where Amanda Bynes puts a tampon up her nose.) They were laughing so hard the entire time I couldn’t help but laugh too. They asked if I used them, if everyone in the US uses them, what they feel like, and if I like them. They were hanging on my every word, super intrigued by this tampon.
This was by far one of my favorite interactions in Paraguay. The looks on their faces and their giggles when I described in detail how to use a tampon will forever be etched into my brain.
Story #2— Vaccination time-- My sister is a nurse who works in the pueblo, and one afternoon she came home with the vaccinations to vaccinate her three children. Her oldest son, Miguel, came and found me to tell me to come watch. As soon as my sister pulled out the vaccinations, all the kids started screaming and fleeing the scene. It was as if a bomb was about to go off and everyone had to get to safety as loud as possible. The youngest girl ran out into the darkness of our back yard and the middle child locked herself in the bathroom, as if it was a bomb shelter. Somehow my mom was able to capture the youngest one first, and hold her still enough while she kicked and screamed bloody murder so that my sister could give her the shot. The funniest thing is the second the shot was finished, she was calm and quiet, as if it never happened. In a reward for her shot, we gave her my phone and let her record her sister receiving her shot. The video is gold, three solid minutes of an 8 year old screaming, kicking, crying and trying to plot a way to get out of receiving her shot.
Okay, I realize this may make me sound really bad, but it was funny okay? My mom, uncle and sister were all laughing the entire time, I swear, not just me.
Story #3— Asado-- Paraguayans LOVE their asado (love may even be an understatement here). Asado is pretty much just grilled steak cooked out on a barbecue. On Sundays the family gets together, cooks asado and passes around a beer (pretty much the same as the U.S. but the men don’t drink their own beer here). Don’t get me wrong, asado is good and all, but I have yet to find out what part of the cow I am actually eating. It is very tough, difficult to cut, extremely chewy (God forbid you put too much in your mouth or you’ll be chewing it all day) and full of fat and bone. When it’s cooked right (and I’m served a piece of meat that resembles steak) then it’s delicious. ANYWAY, one of my uncles asked me if there was asado in the US, and every single Paraguayan around stopped whatever they were doing to hear the response (because a world without asado isn’t worth living in). I attempted to explain to them that yes, we eat lots of cow meat and we cook it on the barbecue, but the cuts of meat and grades of meat are very different. Now, I’m no meat expert, but I decided to explain to them that there’s grass-fed cows that produce super tasty steak, and that was the funniest thing to them. They joked around saying “hey, what does your cow eat?” and making fun of us for asking what the cow eats before buying it. Now they all think I’m really concerned about the diet of cows.
So that’s that. Nothing too crazy over here, but I’ve successfully taught Paraguayan women how to use a tampon, tortured Paraguayan children with vaccinations, and confused Paraguayan men about meat in America.
(Continued list of) Things I’ve learned:
44. There’s a printer at the community center (I learned this after I made 10 copies of an announcement by hand)
45. How to kill a chicken (break its neck and disconnect its head)
46. How to eat cow stomach (breaded and deep fried so it doesn’t taste like stomach)
47. Paraguayans aren’t familiar with tampons that have applicators
48. Paraguayan children are not fans of receiving vaccinations
49. Washing your hair in the Paraguayan winter is not fun, and it takes about 2 days to dry completely
50. You can never eat too many mandarin oranges (its citrus season and I eat about 6 a day)
Here are some stories that hopefully can put a smile on your face in these dark days:
Story #1— My first real charla— I was outside of the community center when my mom and her friend were inside my future house (previously occupied by a former PCV). I heard them giggling and noticed they were huddling and giggling around a small and concealed object. They called me over and I wondered what was going on. When I saw what they were giggling over, I almost lost it. It was a tampon. (Sorry male readers for this story, but trust me its hilarious and you may even learn something!) Anyway, they asked me what it was and so I told them, but they still had this confused look on their faces. I asked them if they wanted me to show them how to use it, and they were already nodding their heads and saying yes before I even finished my sentence. I then demonstrated to them what part goes in where, where you insert it, how to press the applicator, that you need to discard the applicator, and then what part remains outside for removal. (For anyone who’s seen She’s The Man, it was pretty much like the scene where Amanda Bynes puts a tampon up her nose.) They were laughing so hard the entire time I couldn’t help but laugh too. They asked if I used them, if everyone in the US uses them, what they feel like, and if I like them. They were hanging on my every word, super intrigued by this tampon.
This was by far one of my favorite interactions in Paraguay. The looks on their faces and their giggles when I described in detail how to use a tampon will forever be etched into my brain.
Story #2— Vaccination time-- My sister is a nurse who works in the pueblo, and one afternoon she came home with the vaccinations to vaccinate her three children. Her oldest son, Miguel, came and found me to tell me to come watch. As soon as my sister pulled out the vaccinations, all the kids started screaming and fleeing the scene. It was as if a bomb was about to go off and everyone had to get to safety as loud as possible. The youngest girl ran out into the darkness of our back yard and the middle child locked herself in the bathroom, as if it was a bomb shelter. Somehow my mom was able to capture the youngest one first, and hold her still enough while she kicked and screamed bloody murder so that my sister could give her the shot. The funniest thing is the second the shot was finished, she was calm and quiet, as if it never happened. In a reward for her shot, we gave her my phone and let her record her sister receiving her shot. The video is gold, three solid minutes of an 8 year old screaming, kicking, crying and trying to plot a way to get out of receiving her shot.
Okay, I realize this may make me sound really bad, but it was funny okay? My mom, uncle and sister were all laughing the entire time, I swear, not just me.
Story #3— Asado-- Paraguayans LOVE their asado (love may even be an understatement here). Asado is pretty much just grilled steak cooked out on a barbecue. On Sundays the family gets together, cooks asado and passes around a beer (pretty much the same as the U.S. but the men don’t drink their own beer here). Don’t get me wrong, asado is good and all, but I have yet to find out what part of the cow I am actually eating. It is very tough, difficult to cut, extremely chewy (God forbid you put too much in your mouth or you’ll be chewing it all day) and full of fat and bone. When it’s cooked right (and I’m served a piece of meat that resembles steak) then it’s delicious. ANYWAY, one of my uncles asked me if there was asado in the US, and every single Paraguayan around stopped whatever they were doing to hear the response (because a world without asado isn’t worth living in). I attempted to explain to them that yes, we eat lots of cow meat and we cook it on the barbecue, but the cuts of meat and grades of meat are very different. Now, I’m no meat expert, but I decided to explain to them that there’s grass-fed cows that produce super tasty steak, and that was the funniest thing to them. They joked around saying “hey, what does your cow eat?” and making fun of us for asking what the cow eats before buying it. Now they all think I’m really concerned about the diet of cows.
So that’s that. Nothing too crazy over here, but I’ve successfully taught Paraguayan women how to use a tampon, tortured Paraguayan children with vaccinations, and confused Paraguayan men about meat in America.
(Continued list of) Things I’ve learned:
44. There’s a printer at the community center (I learned this after I made 10 copies of an announcement by hand)
45. How to kill a chicken (break its neck and disconnect its head)
46. How to eat cow stomach (breaded and deep fried so it doesn’t taste like stomach)
47. Paraguayans aren’t familiar with tampons that have applicators
48. Paraguayan children are not fans of receiving vaccinations
49. Washing your hair in the Paraguayan winter is not fun, and it takes about 2 days to dry completely
50. You can never eat too many mandarin oranges (its citrus season and I eat about 6 a day)